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The Not-To-Do List for 2021
2020 didn’t go as planned. Let’s make sure we learn from it and make 2021 better.
Last year, I published my Not-To-Do list for the first time. It’s my type new year’s resolution, because I believe that new year’s resolutions don’t work.
New year’s resolutions add to our life: do more of this, do more of that. But in reality, our lives are full already. We don’t have time for more things. We don’t have money for more things, or don’t need more things either.
What we need is less. Less destructive habits. Less negative thinking. Less stress.
So let’s think about what we shouldn’t do, instead of what we should do. Because — as I’m certain you know from experience — knowing that we “should do” something doesn’t mean we’ll actually do it.
Here is my Not-To-Do List for 2021.
In 2021, I do not want to …
1. Let external validation define my sense of self-value
Most of the things I’ve done so far were ultimately driven by the desire to gain validation: from my family, from my friends, from my colleagues, from women.
Validation is human. We’re tribal creatures, and if you don’t get validation from the tribe, you will likely not survive. And it can be used as a positive driver: after all, I’m proud of all the things that I’ve achieved.
But eventually, it’ll lead to misery. Because it means that you cannot be happy without others.
Who will be there to tell you that you’re awesome, that you’re doing great, that you’re good enough? When you’re alone, nobody.
We need to learn how to be happy with ourselves.
Take romantic relationships. Good relationships are greater than the sum of its parts. They take two functional and reflected humans, and create value on top of those.
